Mahalo

Mahalo is the Hawaiian word for thank you. I thought this would be a great way to start this post- because I am returning with quite a thankful attitude. I learned a lot over our ten days in vacation- from time with Jesus, the people I was surrounded by, and from taking risks- however small or large.

Here are some of my reflections from the week ...

Over the trip I met a homeless woman named Sue. She lived at a picnic table on the beach. Unable to walk and having trouble with her vision, she spent every moment of her life at this picnic table. My mom and I stopped to talk with her one day- and tried to visit her during our trips to the beach. Some of the unique things about her- she likes philosophy, rootbeer, and watching the sunset as much as she is able. she loved to laugh. she valued community and remembered the people who said they would come back to see her and followed through. when we talked about the church, she did not like going because no one talked to her when she went. my interactions with sue taught me how the church needs to grow, for sure, but how important and captivating the person of Jesus Christ is. He knew how to heal. He saw even the beggars- those who were passed on the streets every day- and he wanted to know the cry of their hearts. Sue was a reminder to me that as Christians, we are responsible for the physical needs of the world- but also the spiritual. Sue was in need of food, water, and medical care- but she was also in need of unconditional love, unashamed acceptance of Christ, and to know of the dignity and worth she carried simply because she was created in the image of God. 

I met some new friends whose families were also attending the same medical conference. Through random run ins and frequent hellos I was able to get to know more about their lives and who they were. The last morning I met one of their dads, who is a missionary to the Phillipines. He is working with technology, education and poverty, using each of these areas as a platform for evangelism and sharing Jesus. After sharing some of my shared vision and desires, he invited me to come to the Philippines and speak. What?!?!? It was incredible. Yet another way in which God can weave something together hat is directly in line with my interests and a complete surprise. What a joy!!! He really can do more Han we could ever ask or imagine!

Hawaii was a trip of unexpected surprises, friendships and lessons, only a glimpse of which i was able to share with you today.

Mahalo! 

the end of one journey and the beginning of another.

Well an update is finally here. It's been almost two months. I can't tell you how many times I have thought about writing a post and yet not known how to really process what has happened in the last two months- how to write about an experience so transformational, with an impact that will have forever shaped my life and faith in Jesus Christ. 

We ended on June 13th, finishing with a day of remembering, reflecting, and prayer. We reflected on how we grew as a community (which usually turned into us throwing each other under the bus), the ways we saw God move in our lives and in the lives of others, and laughed over some of the knee slappin moments ;) After lunch we got in a big group, three people got in the middle, announced where they are going next and what they need prayer for as they embark on their next journey. The whole group spent time praying over one another, sharing Scripture, pictures and words of encouragement. As this year has been a time of learning, seeing more of who our God is, the pursuit of truth, and the rejoicing of what God is doing in the hearts and minds of people worldwide, spending hours once more at the feet of Jesus, asking God to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine was an ending to a year that reflected the most important part of this year: reliance on Jesus Christ for everything. 

Saying goodbye to people who have taught me so much, pushed me to Jesus, prayed with me, and have a passion for knowing Jesus and sharing his love with others brought quite a mix of emotion. With the formation of such strong friendships, I know that this is not goodbye- we will be united in heart and mind for life. Yet, leaving a community as tight knit that has become a family to me was quite hard. The last days were filled with laughter, tears, stories, worship and encouragement. We left knowing that there is a unity between us that can never be divided. Yet my heart aches for this community. 

After graduation, my dad step-mom and I traveled to Spain, France and back to the UK to visit London. I got back to Baltimore, spent three days there, and then travled off to Hawaii with Pete's side of the family. It has been such a beautiful trip- and let me tell you I have never been so excited for the SUN! 

The degree of thankfulness in my heart towards God, my family, and RZIM for this past year is inexpressible. I learned more about the compassion, mercy, and love of God than I had thought- and I know God has done some deep, eternal changes in my heart and mind. The knowledge and training I received for RZIM has forever changed my perception on the world, engaging with others, and the importance of truth. The ways in which I know how to teach, train, speak, and engage I know will have a life long effect on everything I do. God has given our group in OCCA a fire and passion that I hope is never quenched by the journeys and paths we are now on all over the world. 

So with this end of a journey, a new one begins. I'll be spending time with family this summer in Baltimore and in Pennsylvania and am planning on attending seminary in the fall. Another piece in the puzzle- education, formation, and vision. I am filled with gratitude and joy as I think of what God has in store for me in these next few years. 

As I was writing this I was listening to Need to Breathe- and one of their lyrics says "I can never get over what you've done to me." A perfect way to end.

and so it goes.

This is just a quick update about life in the past MONTH. what? Time has been flying. It is unbelieveable. Yet God has been doing big things. It's been quite exciting. 

We had a few weeks of holiday in March & April (and by a few I mean 5- thank you, England). Over the break I spent a lot of time with friends, having long conversations about the tough questions in life, what God is teaching us, and what our hopes and dreams are. It was a time of getting to know people so much better, gaining a bigger glimpse into how God has wired others, what they are passionate about, what their walks with God have been like thus far, and so much more. 

It was also a time of serious laughter. There was a freedom in the atmosphere, and everyone seemed to be very at rest... which led to great afternoons and evenings spent together over coffee, meals, and games. 

We had two assignments to do over the break, a philosophical essay and a theological reflection. For my philosophy essay, I critiqued Richard Cross' merit theory on the atonement. For my theological reflection, I created a photo exhibition where I captured images geared to have people ask questions. I focused on the topics of beauty, worth, knowledge, life, love, and commitment. Email me if you want to see some of them- I think they turned out really well- and hope to use them in the future! 

We have started Trinity Term, the 3rd and final term. It is quite a bittersweet time- building in depth of relationship with the other OCCA students and NOOC friends, while knowing that we are going to be spread all over the world soon. Not to be pessimistic, but the reality of the end just seems a bit too close. Yet, these days have been absolutely wonderful. We continue to learn together, discuss, cook, go to pubs, worship, and just be. together.

Our lectures this semester, as always, have been quite an eclectic and wonderful mix. Deeply encouraging and quite challenging. We have had many lectures on Islam, and I am currently working on an essay on the Jesus of the Gospels, and the Jesus of the Qur'an; what are the similarities/ differences? How can this be used as a starting point for conversation? Today we had a lecture from Andy Banister (RZIM Canada) on Jesus, Islam, and Christianity. It was fascinating. 

On a personal level, God is teaching me a lot. Just some catch phrases of what I have been learning- be strong and courageous, put on the full armor of faith, step out of the boat, rooted and established in love, fearless, having an expectant heart. 

You can be praying for my last moth plus here- that it is a time of deep growth, my mind is renewed, I am able to learn and have a picture of what it looks like to use this great investment in my life, my future plans, and how God wants to use my gifts specifically to bring His kingdom to earth. 

I'm thankful for each of you who read, and am glad to share life with you!! 

xxx Rach

from fear to faith.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about fear & faith. when do we have faith in certain people, circumstances  etc. and when are we ruled by fear? are we even aware how fearful we can be?

I think I could choose to focus on so many different areas of life: the future, family, big decisions, times of transition, commitments, friendships, approval, ability, careers, the list goes on and on. today, I am going to speak out of a personal place, but move into more objective applications and thoughts- somewhere I think we can gain faith from a deep abyss of truth and encouragement we see in the Bible.

During the past few weeks two areas of my life been on my mind: the tension between going after what you want and fear about approval & failure, and doubt about the transforming power of Christ- basically fear that He won't do what He has promised He will do.

This year has been quite a time of growth. if you've been following my blog, you will see many posts about my journey with anxiety. wrestling with questions. God has done some major work in that area- it's been absolutely amazing. its been a time of light conquering darkness. of exposure without shame. of countering lies with undefeatable truths. then a week later I'l find a new area in life where I am back at square one. good thing God is patient.

ONE. I have been thinking about next steps... what I want to do, where do I feel gifted? what am I passionate about? How do I want to grow? What are my goals for the next few years? And as I have gone through the answers to these questions- I have felt big blocks of fear as I answer these questions. at times feeling barricaded by my own fear. what if I'm not good enough? what if someone else could do it better? it's like i'm almost knocking myself out of the ability to grow and change (more on that soon). I also want to get back into photography, art, writing, etc. and then once again- hit with the fear of failing a standard I have created for myself.

something has radically changed in my outlook of this though: I'm completely taking God out of the picture. I'm assuming that A) He hasn't given me these gifts B) He doesn't have the power or the desire to allow me to change and grow and C) He's going to leave me hanging. not true.

In a bible study I am going through it recently had the story of a chap called Belzalel (Exodus 36:1-7). He was specifically chosen to help build the tabernacle. In the list of those important few who were filled with the Holy Spirit in the OT, Belzalel was the only one who was not a leader or a prophet. He was a wage earner- yet he was the only one in the OT to be filled and empowered by the Holy Spirit to construct a building by a heavenly pattern! Belzalel's job was out of his league. If he had already posesssed everything he needed for the task, God would not have bothered to empower him with the Holy Spirit.  "He purposely assigned Bezalel a task beyond his capability so that He could fill Him with His power...God places us in positions beyond our capabilities so that we will be at His absolute mercy, realizing that only He can succeed.... God searches for laborers who will simply let Him do His job through them as His vessels. When you work for God, with your assignment comes the guarantee that you will be equipped for the job." - Beth Moore

TWO. The area of spiritual transformation. God is continually in a process of transforming us into His likeness (2 Corinthians 3:17-18). When there are areas of my life that I know need to be changed, or areas to surrender- it is such a joy and a place of mercy to be able to bring that before God. God has allowed me to realize though that I can pray expectantly, but I have a hard time hoping expectantly. Currently I'm really praying through my battle with anxiety and learning more about Lordship. I can pray with passion, desire, and longing to be transformed- but there is a small part of me that is scared that He won't follow through. so then I go back to trying to do things on my own, through my own strength. it might work for a little... but it is not sustainable, or full, whole transformation. what has brought an actual change in this situation? claiming truth from the Bible. seriously. 

last week I posted on hope- and it is full of truth that I even have to remind myself of. Yesterday I was encouraged during the easter service at St. Aldate's. it re-instilled hope within me. a few points hit me in a new way. after Jesus died, the disciples scattered. they were terrified of what would happen to them from the Jewish leadership. and yet something radical changed- they went from deeply fearing men in hiding to men who were proclaiming that Jesus was alive and reminding people of who He was with vigor and confidence. why? they had seen the risen Jesus. they knew that their God was alive. and through His power- and through a resurgence of hope and confidence- they could be transformed and bring the truth of Jesus to others. 

they met the risen Jesus. if we are Christians, we have that opportunity on a daily basis. We have that same spirit of power living inside of us (Romans 8:11). Do we forget that? I was reminded that I do. Or I take it for granted. because i've been a Christian for so long i've thought maybe it loses some of it's power- or maybe Jesus is only working on people that really need it- or people coming to faith. nope. I was reminded yesterday that every day I can claim the power that is stronger than human weakness, broke the power of sin, broke the power of addiction, anxiety, and fear. and one that brings full restoration. 

yesterday at lunch with a group of friends we took communion together. it was my first time taking communion with friends outside of church. and what a blessing it was. as we prayed and worshipped together, as we were reminded of the truth of the resurrection- of the hope of new life, transformation, and eternal life- something changed inside of me. 

I thought of the disciples. sitting around a table after they had seen Jesus. or after the Holy Spirit had come at Pentecost. I wonder if all of this hope and excitement was absolutely stirring inside of them. Jesus is with us! He is alive! Everything is true! What does this mean? We are going to be acting out of His power- what is that even going to look like??? How is the world about to be changed?

Many things came to mind- but i'll just share one. the freedom to be released as who they are- but with a new hope and a new Spirit living within them. freedom and encouragement to do things they could not do on their own. daring to dream. being able to follow Jesus' example, but through Jesus' power. courage. boldness. awe. vision. a small glimpse of that came to me yesterday as we were all together- we all have this Spirit within us! We can go out- share truth- share Jesus- and truly change this world for Christ.

What would it actually be like if we remembered this on a daily basis? or at least when we are faced with fear? that this Spirit who conquered death once and for all lives in us? His promises do not fail- and the resurrection proved this. We have a guarantee of transformation, abundant and eternal life when we walk with Jesus, abide with Him, and rely on His power.

So if it doesn't seem like the two points merge- they do. I think we are called to remember this truth about Jesus and what actually was accomplished on the cross and through the resurrection. Jesus wants to free us to be who we were created to be- and that is going to be discovered in full through walking with Him. He wants us to know that He will fill us with His Spirit to face our fear in whatever that may be- we have to trust on a truth we know is never going to change. Perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:18) He will give us everything we need to do the tasks He is giving us. He will give us all strength, wisdom, joy, peace, patience, ability, and insight to do what we were made to do. He will release us to do things in freedom and in His power.


Will we say yes to Him?

** If you have questions about any of this- faith, fear, the credibility of the resurrection, how we can be sure Jesus rose from the dead, or what relationship with Him looks like- please send me a message or an email! would love to chat :)

the cross.

today we are celebrating Good Friday. and although it is a day of deep sorrow and deep pain, it gives us an even deeper reason for gratitude. today we remember that Jesus died. today we remember his voluntary walk to the cross. today we remember he went to the cross out of love. today we remember that He had a greater vision, a greater joy in store. today we remember that because of Him we are accepted as we are. 

Do we treasure the cross enough? Do we look at it in wonder? Is our response to it incessant praise? I think at times we think we don't need the cross. We are just fine going through day by day. Even if we are Christians a need for the cross is not a place we live out of. We acknowledge it, may occasionally thank God for it, but it is an active place of remembrance, an active participation of enjoying the Father's love, the Son's sacrifice? I pray that our hearts can be filled with gratitude that springs from rivers of mercy that flow out of our gracious God. The cross humbles us. it allows us to know that nothing else can bring true reconciliation or forgiveness. nothing else brings the ultimate peace that we long for. through the cross we have an inheritance we cannot fathom and riches that cannot be weighed or measured. do we understand that because He suffered, He took away eternal suffering that we have barely tasted? and that it was because of the joy set before Him that he did this? that is the reason He took the cross and bore its shame? to be reconciled to us and to be in relationship with us? to save us? (Hebrews 12:2)

The cross is the place where unique wonder meets divine gratitude. 

The place where ultimate humility meets undefeated strength. 

The place where our sinless Savior bore the weight we could not bear. 

The place where the disgrace of suffering meets the beautiful outworking of redemption. 

The place where the place of wanting meets the guarantee of eternal security and satisfaction.
The place where the mess of our betrayal meets His pure and full forgiveness.

The place where the desire for truth and freedom meet a Person.

The place of Life everlasting. 

let's live out of that place. 

remembering His suffering and rejoicing in His life. 

remembering humility yet boasting in His strength.

remembering weakness yet claiming ultimate victory. 

remembering we are sinners yet we are washed completely clean.

remembering that it takes God to love God. 

remembering that because of Him, we can say yes to Him, know Him, desire Him. 

this is the power of the Cross. 

HOPE.

Hope. What is hope?

It is both a noun and a verb. According to the New Oxford American Dictionary, the definitions are as such:
(noun): a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen
(verb): to cherish a desire with anticipation, to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence

If we connect these definitions to our lives, where can we find ourselves putting hope? What are the kinds of things we are hoping for?

I think hope is beautiful. It has the ability to alter our mindsets, to bring a positive outlook on something. Although we can hope for something to stay the same, I would assume the times in which we have clung to hope is because we are anticipating or desiring a change.

As I have been reflecting on what has really brought me out of feeling stuck in certain areas of life- whether relationships, circumstances, my future, etc. it is hope that renews and restores an element of peace within me. But where does this hope come from? Can it endure?

If the thing I hope for is not given, or if it is taken away- would I therefore conclude that hope is gone? If I hope for a certain job to open up for me next year, and I don’t get it, will I despair? If I hope for relationships to change, or they are taken away- does my source of hope go away? It has made me ask the question, do we immediately find a new situation/person/ desire to put our hope in once one goes away? There are times when I have hoped and felt disappointed. I have desired things, wanted things to happen, wanted changed circumstances, desired healing, wanted a relationship, etc.


CS Lewis quoted this on the fulfillment of desire…


“Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise.”

So, can there be a contradiction? How can the Bible say that hope does not dissapoint, yet my hope does not seem to last? I came to the conclusion that we need to start discerning our method of hope, but also what we are putting our hope in.

What if there was something, actually Someone, who could not only be the source of our hope, but fully satisfy our desires and be our ultimate hope?


Jesus came to bring hope. Jesus himself is hope- “Whoever should believe in him, shall not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16. Through having a relationship with Jesus, we can know that we are known, forgiven, and free, for all of eternity. Because of what Jesus did on the cross, He established for us an eternal hope. He made the way for us to be back in relationship with God, the One who made us, sustains us, and deeply loves us.The Bible says that hope does not disappoint... why? because God has poured his love into our hearts by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5).


This hope is not just something for our time on earth here- we have expectation that in heaven, all things will be made new and restored. We will live in perfect harmony with Go and with each other. All of our desires and longings will be satisfied. Ultimate hope will be fulfilled. The injustices, disappointments, and heartaches we have endured on this earth will be made right, and there will be a never ending source of renewal, joy, and hope.


Revelation 21:3-4 says,

“Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mounrning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”


God not only is hope, but he gives hope. This hope is not something that is conditional based on success, circumstances, or our ability. This hope does not fade when ours does. This hope stands true, even when everything else seems to be falling apart. Why? This hope is a Person. A Person who came to earth to show His love, died on a cross to achieve for us forgiveness of sins and rose again to conquer death. His victory instills within our hearts an ultimate, freely given, hope.

Again to quote my fav, CS Lewis...

“Hope is one of the Theological virtues. This means that a continual looking forward to the eternal world is not (as some modern people think) a form of escapism or wishful thinking, but one of the things a Christian is meant to do. It does not mean that we are to leave the present world as it is. If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next.”

We have the most beautiful message of hope to hold onto and to share. We have promises that we can hold onto in spite of any change or disappointment. We have the ability to override despair because of our hope in Jesus. In the book of Hebrews, the author describes hope as an “anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” (v19).

The things that we put our hope in within this world are not going to last..they will fade. But when we hope in something outside of ourselves, the promise of redemption, of a Savior that loves us, of a life that is never ending, of a constant companion, of a love that is inexhaustible and greater than we know, of truth, of guidance, of peace, of security, comfort, etc.- and when those things are rooted in Jesus, that is when it does not disappoint.

We put our hope in the LORD. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice,

for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD,

for our hope is in you alone.

-Psalm 33:20-22

life as a scouse ;)

So.. two weeks ago a team of us went to Liverpool for mission! Home of the Beatles! The inhabitants of Liverpool are actually called Liverpudlians but are known by the colloquialism Scousers. It comes from the name of a meat stew called Scouse- and the name was originally adapted by families who frequently ate it! fun fact ;) Their accent is quite unique- although I only met a few people actually from the area!

This mission was completely different from York- but was still wonderful. There was a different vibe on campus because there was no central location- campus was more of buildings spread out throughout the city than a specific enclosed place.

There was a great team of about 12 or so that went, while the other OCCA students were on mission to Bath and Aberystwyth. Our speakers were Tom Price & Sharon Dicrkx (both tutors) and OCCA alumni Jonathan Sherwin and Kate Seagrave. They rocked all the talks- each coming from a different speciality and background. Tom is a philosopher and absolutely brilliant- he also worked in his love for film into his talks to create a great dynamic. Sharon is a scientist and was able to bring her knowledge of science, experimentation & research, and life experience to the table. Her personal story of suffering made for a powerful testimony in the talk "Why does God allow suffering"- with a brilliant response of the questions we ask, who our God is, and how he can meet us within times of suffering.

This week was filled with many different kinds of conversations about God, Jesus, Christianity, truth, pluralism, etc. We were able to meet students through various means: worldview surveys, flyering, lunch bars, evening events, and coffee shop chats. Students came from all different backgrounds- and we found a vast array of perspectives on Jesus & faith. Many conversations I had were with students who believed truth to be relative, and each religion was an equal road to God- no religion was right over another.

It was great to understand where people were coming from, and genuinely getting to know them as people instead of going into a conversation with an agenda. It was freeing to understand that God knows their hearts and where they are in their search for truth, their beliefs, etc. and when I could go into a conversation with no set expectations or views of success- it allowed me to be more gracious, understanding, and able to give the conversation to God.

I made some great friendships last week- with my host Anna, and a few girls that I met throughout the week. God put me into some tough conversations- philosophers & scientists coming my way- but gave me a confidence in who He was and the message I was bringing- which allowed for a good mix of building relationships & boldness to ask hard questions.

I had one conversation with such a lovely girl- who had such a similar story to mine. Her doubts, longings, questions, and perceptions of God were so similar to the same things I have asked and questioned in my own walk. It was a very evident way God showed me that he can use His healing touch in our specific pain and struggles as a beacon of mercy for others. She told me that she had never had someone articulate the desires and questions of her heart in the same way- and i felt the same. What a blessing- and a privilege  to be able to get to know someone in such a deep way over such a short period of time!

I was very thankful for this week. God really revealed to me how much I love evangelism. It was a bit of a miracle week in the sense of being freed from anxiety the whole week- a taste of a freedom He is working on and I believe to be coming more and more.

I was fascinated at how God could use us as a team- bringing the same people to have conversations with different people, the use of different international backgrounds & languages, and how God divinely paired up conversations with who each person needed to talk to.

A little bit of a summary for you- I could go on with specific stories- but I'll leave it there. Feel free to email me and ask me more questions though!

xxx