ok so.. it's crunch time!! one week to go! it's WILD. my visa came in today... PTL. everything is ready!
so although there seems to be so much to write about, and so many things to fill in, there are just some moments and lessons i want to share. many things have happened...i have seen more doctors, i found out i am now really allergic to nuts (peanut butter may or may not be my favorite food.. don't worry about it) i have a visa, i have seen friends, i've babysat, went on a shopping spree, i have spent time with my family, i've gotten to paint, do crafts, and read read read.
through the undercurrent of it all.. i've been learning a lot. and it's about the personality of Jesus. it's about His love and not how I love Him. about His personality, and not some of the stereotypes or misunderstandings i've had. and it's come in quite a few ways.
it started with a letter. from a dear friend sharing some of the things she has been learning this summer. she wrote about how she had been learning a new perspective of God's love. that we can be a reflection of God's love to others. that by knowing how much we are loved by God, we can see that our love comes from Him. fast forward a few days- i'm in starbucks with my aunt. it was a great time to just be honest and share our hearts and talk deep. talk about fears. talk about relationships. talk about Jesus. talk about how we can learn from each other. fast forward a few more days (stick with me here i'm almost done) and i' talking with a friend about God's love, and how I am learning more about it. how it is so hard for me to grasp it's unconditionality, His heart for us. that i'm starting to learn as i can be open and honest with others, and still be loved. but that it's also hard for me because i feel that if I don't "do" (meaning pray a lot, be in the Word, ie disciplines) that God won't know that i love Him. i didnt link that together until that conversation.
then, she framed it in such a way that i am still amazed. she asked me how long it had been since i had a coffee date with my aunt. i said probably a few weeks...and then she asked me, did you doubt that anne wanted to have coffee with you? did you doubt your relationship going into it because it had been a few weeks? or did you doubt that anne knew that she meant a lot to you or that you loved her even though it had been a few weeks? i answered no very quickly with a laugh. and then she said... well if that is how it can be with a family member, a human, who is only able to show a fragment of love that God has for you, how much more do you think He has that capability? if God has given us the ability to love each other that way, and that much, isn't that also one of His qualities? i was speechless. i never considered connecting those things to God, but they are from Him! and He loves perfectly. it doesnt matter if it's been a while, God knows us, knows our hearts, and loves us. i've been trying to soak that in for the past few... it's pretty freeing to come to understand more and more about God's love.
the third way it's come is through the book Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldredge. please read it!!!!! it is all about Jesus, and His personality. it shows you His heart. he also does a great job of calling religion for what it is, spotting out misunderstandings, and letting us get to know the true personality and character of Jesus. it's been such a great book and is actually allowing me to see that Jesus was awesome!! He does have a sense of humor, he is intentional, he really does know how to love, and was so human. He can totally relate to us. we just have to be able to see it. and trust it. i really really recommend it. it's been one of the most transforming books i've read, and a favorite for sure. and you don't have to know a ton about God, the Bible, or Jesus to read it. are you just curious? do you want to learn more about His personality? i am benefitting from it more than i expected. it's been great.
the last thought i will leave you with, is another thought from a friend. she reminded me that when Jesus died, He died with no guarantees. He did not die because He knew He would be loved in return, He died because He loved. He did it anyway. His love is really that big.
I'm praying that for readers, and friends, and just people in my life. that we can have our eyes open to how big God's love really is. we don't need to and can't fit it in a box. and He wants to show us His love and continue to open our hearts and eyes so that in the undercurrents of life, He can keep showing up and keep loving us, and keep transforming us.
