a voice.

Tonight I went to an Audrey Assad and JJ Heller concert. a super wonderful friend Annie Lawrence opened for them! She has just blossomed in her music career within the last year. She now writes her own music, has an album, and is opening for artists! Wild. Her story is one of redemption. It’s one of beauty. From knowing so much of her heart, and her past, and to see how God has transformed her fears into confidence, and taken the things that brought true pain and brought beauty is a wonder. It’s a true story of redemption. Her album is called Light is Stronger than Darkness- buy it on iTunes!! It’s a story of how being human and having struggles and joy meets the beauty and love of Jesus- it’s real and true and a story of hope.

http://www.annielawrencemusic.com/ --- CHECK IT OUT! 

Anyways, today made me think a lot about our voice. What we are passionate about. What we stand for. What we believe. What we say, what we sing, what we write, what we do. How we express it- and it takes the rist of willing to express what we think and what we feel. It takes strength to believe that it’s okay not to be accepted. It means taking the risk of not being perfect.

Why is that so much easier for some than others? I’ve realized how much perfectionism robs you of creativity, of joy, and of expressing yourself. And anxiety tied in with that- it’s almost robbed me of things that God has given me. why can risk be so hard? why do we praise perfection, when we can find so much rest and so much peace in seeing that others are human? Seeing that others are okay with accepting grace, with making mistakes, and extending grace allows us to breathe easy- but we are the last to extend it to ourselves? That is where I seem to be caught.

Tonight JJ Heller told the background of her song- Your Hands. It was a time when she was facing a lot of anxiety and a lot of fear- and was questioning God, asking Him to take it away. Not understanding why she was suffering through it, or why it had to be a long, slow process. Hearing that story gave me hope, made me fall in love with the song so much more. That’s wehre I am. Facing a lot of anxiety, facing a lot of fear, and feeling like so much of what I knew or thought I had right- is being shaken. How many times have I been on my knees asking for answers, deliverance, and just for joy to be easy? Countless. But how much did God use that time for JJ Heller, and how much hope and truth can she speak into others’ lives through this song? There is beauty in the pain. We can choose to see it or choose to rush pain away. She has been able to minister to others through what she learned about herself and God through that process- and isn’t that why we’re here anyway? To find out more about Him?

I’ve been asking a lot of questions to God recently. And they are questions I wouldn’t have expected to ask because I thought I was so “strong” in my faith- never thought I would question Him this much. Why do people suffer from anxiety? Why can I lose sight of you so much during time of fear? Why do I have an expectation of what it means for you to answer a prayer? Do I have to do more to receive peace and take authority over Satan? Is faith like a mustard seed really enough? How much do I have to put armor on in this battle of life, and how much do I trust that you can heal with one word, one breath? How much of my walk with Him and pursuit of Him was fear driven, and what was time and effort that came out of love? Why do I think so much? Why do I question? Why am I questioning so much about my identity? Why is it hard to stand firm in truth? Why do I complicate things so much?

It’s almost as if I ask these questions but am scared of the answers, or don’t think He wants to answer them. But tonight made me rest a little easier. We are human. We are going to ask. We are going to fight. We are going to face battles. And truth is truth. But this is a story of growth. It’s a story of finding life. It’s a story of knowing that we belong to the kingdom of light when we are walking in a earth who needs the light. When we believe that Christ is going to transform us, be close to us, and walk with us throughout everything.

Tonight also affirmed the fact that our voices, our feelings, and truth all matter. I think I was scared of the way I feel sometimes, or scared to actually feel it, or think that I need to dismiss these things. but He understands. And how much was I blessed tonight by Audrey Assad tonight when she said that she enjoys being sad? When she said that it’s easier for her to write a lament than a song of joy. When it’s easier for her to be sad and to have sorrow- but that this is a part of this life. It’s something God understands- it’s something Jesus felt. It’s part of being real. Being raw. Being human. And she can write a lament, and write truth, and bring Christ into it- and it becomes real, it becomes  a story, it becomes a struggle. It becomes a way for being human but putting our hope in Christ a reality.

It got me excited to write again. It’s one of my favorite things. to just listen, to just be, to write, to express. And I have barely done it at all this year- because I haven’t thought what I had to say has worth. But it does because I want to be a voice for Him, and I want others to see Him working through what I write. I want to be willing to feel again, to express, to walk. To be confident in what is on my heart.To walk out of perfectionism into grace. To just believe.


Haven't we all learned more about how Christ redeems struggles through others who have gone before us? They have certainly been voices of hope for me. So I'm hoping to encourage and continue to be encouraged through the work that God is always doing and is going to continue to do.

So here we go. For His glory- for Him to be known, and to be okay with not getting it all right. Being okay with putting myself out there. Be okay with seeking truth even if it means it's hard to claim as my own or believe it. it means celebrating others- celebrating that each of us reflect His image. each of us show a different characteristic about our God. Believing that He who started a good work in me will carry it onto completion- Philippians 1:6.

Ps buy the Audrey Assad and JJ Heller albums- they are wonderful. Favorite songs for right now: Only Love Remains and True Things JJ Heller