from fear to faith.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about fear & faith. when do we have faith in certain people, circumstances  etc. and when are we ruled by fear? are we even aware how fearful we can be?

I think I could choose to focus on so many different areas of life: the future, family, big decisions, times of transition, commitments, friendships, approval, ability, careers, the list goes on and on. today, I am going to speak out of a personal place, but move into more objective applications and thoughts- somewhere I think we can gain faith from a deep abyss of truth and encouragement we see in the Bible.

During the past few weeks two areas of my life been on my mind: the tension between going after what you want and fear about approval & failure, and doubt about the transforming power of Christ- basically fear that He won't do what He has promised He will do.

This year has been quite a time of growth. if you've been following my blog, you will see many posts about my journey with anxiety. wrestling with questions. God has done some major work in that area- it's been absolutely amazing. its been a time of light conquering darkness. of exposure without shame. of countering lies with undefeatable truths. then a week later I'l find a new area in life where I am back at square one. good thing God is patient.

ONE. I have been thinking about next steps... what I want to do, where do I feel gifted? what am I passionate about? How do I want to grow? What are my goals for the next few years? And as I have gone through the answers to these questions- I have felt big blocks of fear as I answer these questions. at times feeling barricaded by my own fear. what if I'm not good enough? what if someone else could do it better? it's like i'm almost knocking myself out of the ability to grow and change (more on that soon). I also want to get back into photography, art, writing, etc. and then once again- hit with the fear of failing a standard I have created for myself.

something has radically changed in my outlook of this though: I'm completely taking God out of the picture. I'm assuming that A) He hasn't given me these gifts B) He doesn't have the power or the desire to allow me to change and grow and C) He's going to leave me hanging. not true.

In a bible study I am going through it recently had the story of a chap called Belzalel (Exodus 36:1-7). He was specifically chosen to help build the tabernacle. In the list of those important few who were filled with the Holy Spirit in the OT, Belzalel was the only one who was not a leader or a prophet. He was a wage earner- yet he was the only one in the OT to be filled and empowered by the Holy Spirit to construct a building by a heavenly pattern! Belzalel's job was out of his league. If he had already posesssed everything he needed for the task, God would not have bothered to empower him with the Holy Spirit.  "He purposely assigned Bezalel a task beyond his capability so that He could fill Him with His power...God places us in positions beyond our capabilities so that we will be at His absolute mercy, realizing that only He can succeed.... God searches for laborers who will simply let Him do His job through them as His vessels. When you work for God, with your assignment comes the guarantee that you will be equipped for the job." - Beth Moore

TWO. The area of spiritual transformation. God is continually in a process of transforming us into His likeness (2 Corinthians 3:17-18). When there are areas of my life that I know need to be changed, or areas to surrender- it is such a joy and a place of mercy to be able to bring that before God. God has allowed me to realize though that I can pray expectantly, but I have a hard time hoping expectantly. Currently I'm really praying through my battle with anxiety and learning more about Lordship. I can pray with passion, desire, and longing to be transformed- but there is a small part of me that is scared that He won't follow through. so then I go back to trying to do things on my own, through my own strength. it might work for a little... but it is not sustainable, or full, whole transformation. what has brought an actual change in this situation? claiming truth from the Bible. seriously. 

last week I posted on hope- and it is full of truth that I even have to remind myself of. Yesterday I was encouraged during the easter service at St. Aldate's. it re-instilled hope within me. a few points hit me in a new way. after Jesus died, the disciples scattered. they were terrified of what would happen to them from the Jewish leadership. and yet something radical changed- they went from deeply fearing men in hiding to men who were proclaiming that Jesus was alive and reminding people of who He was with vigor and confidence. why? they had seen the risen Jesus. they knew that their God was alive. and through His power- and through a resurgence of hope and confidence- they could be transformed and bring the truth of Jesus to others. 

they met the risen Jesus. if we are Christians, we have that opportunity on a daily basis. We have that same spirit of power living inside of us (Romans 8:11). Do we forget that? I was reminded that I do. Or I take it for granted. because i've been a Christian for so long i've thought maybe it loses some of it's power- or maybe Jesus is only working on people that really need it- or people coming to faith. nope. I was reminded yesterday that every day I can claim the power that is stronger than human weakness, broke the power of sin, broke the power of addiction, anxiety, and fear. and one that brings full restoration. 

yesterday at lunch with a group of friends we took communion together. it was my first time taking communion with friends outside of church. and what a blessing it was. as we prayed and worshipped together, as we were reminded of the truth of the resurrection- of the hope of new life, transformation, and eternal life- something changed inside of me. 

I thought of the disciples. sitting around a table after they had seen Jesus. or after the Holy Spirit had come at Pentecost. I wonder if all of this hope and excitement was absolutely stirring inside of them. Jesus is with us! He is alive! Everything is true! What does this mean? We are going to be acting out of His power- what is that even going to look like??? How is the world about to be changed?

Many things came to mind- but i'll just share one. the freedom to be released as who they are- but with a new hope and a new Spirit living within them. freedom and encouragement to do things they could not do on their own. daring to dream. being able to follow Jesus' example, but through Jesus' power. courage. boldness. awe. vision. a small glimpse of that came to me yesterday as we were all together- we all have this Spirit within us! We can go out- share truth- share Jesus- and truly change this world for Christ.

What would it actually be like if we remembered this on a daily basis? or at least when we are faced with fear? that this Spirit who conquered death once and for all lives in us? His promises do not fail- and the resurrection proved this. We have a guarantee of transformation, abundant and eternal life when we walk with Jesus, abide with Him, and rely on His power.

So if it doesn't seem like the two points merge- they do. I think we are called to remember this truth about Jesus and what actually was accomplished on the cross and through the resurrection. Jesus wants to free us to be who we were created to be- and that is going to be discovered in full through walking with Him. He wants us to know that He will fill us with His Spirit to face our fear in whatever that may be- we have to trust on a truth we know is never going to change. Perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:18) He will give us everything we need to do the tasks He is giving us. He will give us all strength, wisdom, joy, peace, patience, ability, and insight to do what we were made to do. He will release us to do things in freedom and in His power.


Will we say yes to Him?

** If you have questions about any of this- faith, fear, the credibility of the resurrection, how we can be sure Jesus rose from the dead, or what relationship with Him looks like- please send me a message or an email! would love to chat :)